coffee rings

i just set my bowl-like latte mug down on a DLLR notification and a faint tan ring appeared at the top where the mug had been, immediately giving the letter a look of antiquity.

i am sad this morning. sadder than i can say, for a singular reason. it will be a long time before i have the perspective necessary to feel nothing about what's happened. not a break up or anything like that, but a strained relationship with a friend of sorts that i don't think can be made right.

i'm actually okay on the romantic front--i have none, which is the best way to avoid a breakup, in my experience. i think i've finally stopped nursing even the vague hope of rekindling with my almost lover, who, if my dreams have the prescient power i think they do, is seeing someone now. we live in the same neighborhood, so here's hoping i don't bump into him or anything.

i'm pretty low these days and that might do untold damage. or kickstart me into a renaissance of some kind.

i love baltimore and never seriously consider leaving, but times like this make me wish i had a new city to start over in. or, no. really what i wish is that i had a 6-month stint somewhere else, doing some heartbreakingly beautiful, physically grueling work, and that i could return home afterward, clean of the past and broken in ways that afford humility without the death of the soul.

fall courses

i've finally figured out where to look for fall courses--not under the PBDS dropdown, but CWPD--and so have figured out, conclusively, what my course load will be in september. With that now decided, though I cannot yet register, I turn my attention back to finding gainful employment.

The DLLR denied me, incidentally, based upon a telephone interview in which I tried to explain that no, I was not willing to drop my grad program in the interest of finding full-time work because my classes take place after work hours, and so it is not necessary to do so. the interviewers ask questions that are intentionally set in a yes-no construct, and then, depending upon your answer, ask you some other, equally limited questions. you have to just figure out this complex game, and answer questions in the right way, or you'll never win.

i wrote an appeal letter and slipped it into a mailbox yesterday. at this point, it is personal to me. it is a matter of principle that this institution admit that i deserve these benefits. i don't want to have to need them, but it's ridiculous that they are trying to get out of paying me. ironic that i just sent in my state tax payment last week.

today, i troll a job fair. wednesday, i have a meeting, and regardless of the outcome, it's nice to have been called in for consideration. perhaps my days of hanging out with the dog are numbered?

a quickie

I'm looking forward to being back in class tonight after a month. if I'd known my one absence would be followed by a snow day closing, i might have tried harder to get out of the snafu that prevented me from attending that night. it'll be good to see everyone again.

so, i guess we'll get our projects back tonight. i'm kind of nervous...

Being willing to go in another direction

On the corner of Charles & Park, i was attempting to hail a taxi. a prime location, anyone would argue, and indeed, at least 6 cabs whizzed by while i stood there. for one reason or another, none of them stopped.

determined to make my impression felt on the world outside my apartment, i decided to head to harbor east to sit in Teavolve, one of my favourite local spots with free wifi. i'd have preferred to find someplace in my exact neighborhood, but the ubiquitous starbucks (i'm no hater) does not have free Internet services, and besides, i wanted something a little more homegrown with a more individualized ambience.

i am freelancing, sort of, and i pledged to be available from 8 to 4 today; i didn't want to spend precious time in transit (though i wasn't exactly being bombarded with work). so, loathe as i am to redirect once i've got a course of action set, i turned around.

the plan, at that point, was to head in the direction of UB. plenty of places to sit, gnosh, and coast onto the Web there.

but in that turning, i saw something.

a flashing OPEN sign.

Koffee Therapy, a coffee shop that i've only ever seen from the outside, and always CLOSED, beckoned. It's one of these places that I figured might even be defunct because I've never happened to walk by when it's been inhabited or showing any signs of life.

it's funny the world you miss when you're sitting shut away in a building somewhere, toiling to advance some company's agenda. it's funny the world you miss when you're not willing to be wrong, reconsider what you want.

eventually, a cab would have stopped. but life had a different lesson for me today.

Facebook

My Facebook use is up and therefore my Facebook "stock" is up. I first heard about the site a few years ago when its membership was restricted to college students. Not long after that, an acquaintance invited me to join. I had no intentions of ever being active, but I didn't see the harm, so I accepted. It took me months to fill out my portfolio, add pictures, and see what this virtual popularity contest could possibly have to do with me...

as soon as i started to show my "face" with any regularity, i was suddenly a prime target for "poking," "super poking," cyber frappuccinos, and membership in all sorts of socially conscious "groups."

"Aren't I a little old for this?" I wondered. I good-naturedly accepted invitations of friendship--even if I was only loosely acquainted with the person making the overture (or had know him or her so long ago and no vestige of actual friendship remained, even if it had been there once). I would occasionally marvel at how many people found me, but I had not yet thought of it as a leveraging agent...

Stay tuned.

Aflac

is bird dogging me.

I've gotten four calls from them in two days asking me if i'm still in the market for a job. I've explained at least four times that while I am still looking for work, Iam not now, nor have I ever been, nor does my resume indicate that I would be interested in working for an insurance company or in sales. Even after I was assured that I would be removed from their call list, I got a call again today. Undoubtedly, from a different call center, but still!

one benefit of unemployment

midday gatherings with other folks who are work challenged. after a morning of cancelling my gym membership (it's still good through May b/c I missed the cancellation window for April), downgrading the cable, and cancelling other billed services, I managed to find time to sneak in a cup of coffee with some friends.

afterward, i picked up a few things at the grocery store (to the tune of about 70 bucks), including some shrimp, which were on special. i made this tomato and white bean reduction for the shrimp and tilapia filets. now i'll use the last of the vodka to make some cocktails. my sister should be home soon, and i'd like to have the food on the table.

all i need are some pearls and a vacuum cleaner. clearly, my inner 1950s-era housewife was just looking for an opportunity to come out.

e-mail

Jane and Meredith, what e-mails should i use for both of you? the ubalt one? is that firstname.lastname@ubalt.edu?

Currently in Blacksburg, VA

It's been an interesting week; I got laid off, found out I didn't get the job I'd interviewed for a week or so ago, and got rejected for another position that was recruiter-solicited. I have to say the reason the hiring manager didn't want to interview me for the temp/contract position the recruiter called me about was bogus. It's an editing position (I've been writing/editing for 14 years), but because I don't have marketing experience, it was a wash.

I've filed for unemployment. It was surprisingly easy. I applied for another position moments after filing the unemployment insurance, so fingers crossed...

I've also signed up for freelancewriters.com in the hopes of building a portfolio of clips.

is there anything in the stimulus package that will afford me, personally, any cash?

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