coffee rings

i just set my bowl-like latte mug down on a DLLR notification and a faint tan ring appeared at the top where the mug had been, immediately giving the letter a look of antiquity.

i am sad this morning. sadder than i can say, for a singular reason. it will be a long time before i have the perspective necessary to feel nothing about what's happened. not a break up or anything like that, but a strained relationship with a friend of sorts that i don't think can be made right.

i'm actually okay on the romantic front--i have none, which is the best way to avoid a breakup, in my experience. i think i've finally stopped nursing even the vague hope of rekindling with my almost lover, who, if my dreams have the prescient power i think they do, is seeing someone now. we live in the same neighborhood, so here's hoping i don't bump into him or anything.

i'm pretty low these days and that might do untold damage. or kickstart me into a renaissance of some kind.

i love baltimore and never seriously consider leaving, but times like this make me wish i had a new city to start over in. or, no. really what i wish is that i had a 6-month stint somewhere else, doing some heartbreakingly beautiful, physically grueling work, and that i could return home afterward, clean of the past and broken in ways that afford humility without the death of the soul.